(no subject)
Dec. 15th, 2000 07:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
grindmonkehI'm back to my first and last night of work for the week. My escape from Canada was rough...I almost didn't make it home. I drove for ten and a half hours through snow and freezing rain until I made it to Indianapolis where I slept over at my mother's house. I had to call in and take another day off from work, but it would have been foolish to even try driving the last one hundred miles home. When I finally got to my mom's I took two shots of Wild Turkey and went to bed. I felt disembodied.
I had stared at the seemingly infinite illuminated blur of flakes for hours on end. They had etched themselves into my eyes and filled my head with white noise while I tried to imagine the road into existence beneath a concealing crystal blanket. My windwhield wiper blade was half-way torn off from the accumulated ice and my windshield was heavily obscured, so I picked out a pair of tail lights and followed along at a reasonable distance. If the red beacons had veered off the road and into a field or gully, I would have blindly followed like a lemming. If they would have taken the next exit and drove through McDonald's, you guessed it...I'll have the number five, and supersize that please. I stopped at a truck stop and shopped for wiper blades. They didn't have them, so I switched the good blade to the driver's side wiper. It cleared the windshield much more adequately, so I realized that I couldn't see anything through a CLEAR windshield. Resistance is futile.
I lost count of the desolate vehicles that were either stranded or badly wrecked on the side of the road, but almost added one to the total when a gail grabbed myself, the car behind me, and the two semi's in front of me and tossed us sideways. The semis regained control a little more quickly and hit their brakes. I was watching the road before me out of the side window, then the windshield, then the other side window, and the windshield again before I regained control without sliding into the guard rail or a trailer. My truck had flirted with both. I thought the car behind me was toast, but they managed a complete stop on the shoulder while perpendicular to the interstate. I slowed down until they backed up and continued down the road. That was my closest encounter of several different near disastrous incidents.
The only way to burn off an adrenaline rush while driving is to talk to yourself in a convincing manner with exotically colorful grammar.
ex. "Son of A FUCKING carpenter, man! Exactly how goddamn close do you want to come to being a big red greasy spot in the snow?!?!?!?!?"
I couldn't think of a good answer though, so I chewed another stick of Big Red. My jaws were already stiff from my better-obsessive-compulsive-behavior-through-gum program.
plenTpak
17 sticks wrigley's BIG RED
artificially flavored CINNAMON GUM
I'll take tooth decay over emphysema, but is it true that it takes seven years to digest a wad of gum?
Anyway, I finally got to Indianapolis, and rearended a van that was PARKED on an exit ramp. I couldn't stop. I couldn't change lanes because there were cars beside me. It was a love tap. I bent the pretty ladder on the back of their van. Oh, I meant pretty goddamn useless. The guy was cool...his wife got out of the van and drunkenly said, "Why'dju hit us?!?!" I said, "You're parked on an exit ramp, it was unavoidable."
The guy says to his wife, "Wouldju shut up!" He wasn't drunk.
Wife speaks. Guy says, "Wouldju shut up!?!?"
Wife speaks. Guy says, "Daaaaa-amn, wouldju shuttup woman?"
And so on.
And so forth.
Etc.
We drove to a gas station so that we wouldn't get hit by the next car that exited the interstate, and I suggested that we call the police. The police said it would be three hours before they could dispatch someone, so we exchanged info and left.
I don't really give a wookie's furry ass about my truck...Bad day, fuck it. It could be LOT worse. I might have it fixed by the insurance company...hopefully they don't cancel my accident prone ass. If they do, I'll buy a tauntaun to get to and from work. I wonder where I could get one....I wonder...
I took a steaming shower until all my hot water was gone, shaved off my week long beard growth, and faded in and out of sleep all day yesterday. Whose line is it anyway?
I had stared at the seemingly infinite illuminated blur of flakes for hours on end. They had etched themselves into my eyes and filled my head with white noise while I tried to imagine the road into existence beneath a concealing crystal blanket. My windwhield wiper blade was half-way torn off from the accumulated ice and my windshield was heavily obscured, so I picked out a pair of tail lights and followed along at a reasonable distance. If the red beacons had veered off the road and into a field or gully, I would have blindly followed like a lemming. If they would have taken the next exit and drove through McDonald's, you guessed it...I'll have the number five, and supersize that please. I stopped at a truck stop and shopped for wiper blades. They didn't have them, so I switched the good blade to the driver's side wiper. It cleared the windshield much more adequately, so I realized that I couldn't see anything through a CLEAR windshield. Resistance is futile.
I lost count of the desolate vehicles that were either stranded or badly wrecked on the side of the road, but almost added one to the total when a gail grabbed myself, the car behind me, and the two semi's in front of me and tossed us sideways. The semis regained control a little more quickly and hit their brakes. I was watching the road before me out of the side window, then the windshield, then the other side window, and the windshield again before I regained control without sliding into the guard rail or a trailer. My truck had flirted with both. I thought the car behind me was toast, but they managed a complete stop on the shoulder while perpendicular to the interstate. I slowed down until they backed up and continued down the road. That was my closest encounter of several different near disastrous incidents.
The only way to burn off an adrenaline rush while driving is to talk to yourself in a convincing manner with exotically colorful grammar.
ex. "Son of A FUCKING carpenter, man! Exactly how goddamn close do you want to come to being a big red greasy spot in the snow?!?!?!?!?"
I couldn't think of a good answer though, so I chewed another stick of Big Red. My jaws were already stiff from my better-obsessive-compulsive-behavior-through-gum program.
plenTpak
17 sticks wrigley's BIG RED
artificially flavored CINNAMON GUM
I'll take tooth decay over emphysema, but is it true that it takes seven years to digest a wad of gum?
Anyway, I finally got to Indianapolis, and rearended a van that was PARKED on an exit ramp. I couldn't stop. I couldn't change lanes because there were cars beside me. It was a love tap. I bent the pretty ladder on the back of their van. Oh, I meant pretty goddamn useless. The guy was cool...his wife got out of the van and drunkenly said, "Why'dju hit us?!?!" I said, "You're parked on an exit ramp, it was unavoidable."
The guy says to his wife, "Wouldju shut up!" He wasn't drunk.
Wife speaks. Guy says, "Wouldju shut up!?!?"
Wife speaks. Guy says, "Daaaaa-amn, wouldju shuttup woman?"
And so on.
And so forth.
Etc.
We drove to a gas station so that we wouldn't get hit by the next car that exited the interstate, and I suggested that we call the police. The police said it would be three hours before they could dispatch someone, so we exchanged info and left.
I don't really give a wookie's furry ass about my truck...Bad day, fuck it. It could be LOT worse. I might have it fixed by the insurance company...hopefully they don't cancel my accident prone ass. If they do, I'll buy a tauntaun to get to and from work. I wonder where I could get one....I wonder...
I took a steaming shower until all my hot water was gone, shaved off my week long beard growth, and faded in and out of sleep all day yesterday. Whose line is it anyway?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2000-12-15 06:46 am (UTC)Wow. I recall you telling me, but damn... I didn't realize HOW bad you had it. You always seem to have the colorful trip back don't ya? Maybe you should just stick to driving back from my place or Scout's, cuz each time you go to Toronto, there's always some kind of story. hehe