founds in the foods libraries...

[grindmonkeh]

I tied my hair into a pony-tail in preparation of the kung-fu glory that would permeate my body. After five drinks I instead had total fucking Kung-fu failure...I had two-thirds of the can left and couldn't handle another drop. This is a nasty concoction and deep inside I knew it would be, but I couldn't NOT buy it.

Seriously.


Are you stuck drifting through life in a state of existential confusion wandering aimlessly through the multitudes of energy products not knowing which one is the right one for you? Then look no further for the true meaning of life then Master Sensei Seagal’s Lightning Bolt Energy Drink!

Lightning Bolt, the one and only energy drink crafted by martial arts expert and herbal specialist Steven Seagal, is the only all natural 100% juice energy drink on the market. This long lasting energy elixir is made with key ingredients from all over the globe. With a healthy dosing of Tibetan Goji Berry, Asian Cordyceps, B-Vitamins, Green Tea, Yerba Mate, Ginseng, Ginkgo Biloba, Guarana, and Policosanols, Lightning Bolt will give you the strength you need to punch your adversary’s faces through plate glass windows day in and day out!

Oh and it gets better, Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt is available in 2 great juicy flavors! Cherry Charge brings you the great taste of freshly squeezed cherry juice, while for those of you that desire a slightly less sweet drink can partake of the true Asian Experience. Either way, you still get a powerful bolt of energy delivered into your body that Steven Seagal precisely blended for lasting maximum performance. So get ready to take on the world with new meaning with Steven Segal’s own Lightning Bolt Energy Drink!



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Heh.

Comments

[cd332.livejournal.com]

As a friend I feel I should give you this helpful advice: If that drink does as much as what Steven Seagal did for Kung Fu, then I would seriously stay away from acting....for life.

My internet IQ was 46. Which means I wouldn't even be able to identify my own website.

[grindbastard.livejournal.com]

What does it say about his music career?!?!



I don't think I'll be boasting about my abundant source of useless knowledge gleaned from the internet, in fact a 46 might be a more admirable score.

[rissa333.livejournal.com]

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I didn't know but two of the questions, but I guess I'm a lucky guesser.

[grindbastard.livejournal.com]

I knew way more than I'm comfortable with.

[gloomchen.livejournal.com]

I bought a can of that for John, who is an energy drink connoisseur. I think he only made it through 1/4 before dumping it out.

[grindbastard.livejournal.com]

Maybe he should try the 'Asian Experience' flavor too...it could be the best drink ever. And how would he know!?!

[merenda.livejournal.com]

I got 100%....figures... :)

[merenda.livejournal.com]

ooops, I took a different one! :)

[cd332.livejournal.com]

27, oh I rock.

You can call me the Steven Seagal of UNIX.

Rock over London,
Rock on Illinois.

Executive Decision,
It pays to travel by air.

[grindbastard.livejournal.com]

That test was way longer than my attention span can handle today.

[linguafranca.livejournal.com]

Oh, it's Steven Seagal. I thought it was Data until I read the description.

In other news, LOOK AT ALL THAT SEXY.

[jack-the-tyrant.livejournal.com]

Please tell me it actually says all that shit on the back of that can! This is the best idea ever!
Also, he does kinda look like Data. I think Data should have his own energy drink. This is the second best idea ever.

[grindbastard.livejournal.com]

"Its time for the Steven Seagal Experience! There is no telling what will happen once you get his juices inside you! Massive explosions, intense hand to hand combat, speaking in cryptic monotone dialog, who knows? So quaff your very own Steven Seagal Lightning Bolt Energy Drink today, and get ready for the extreme!"

It doesn't say that on the can, but on a marketing blurb I found somewhere. I think it was on Lightningdrink.com

Would Data's drink be nothing but water mixed with a mass amount of qualudes?

[charasan.livejournal.com]

(lips moving out of sync)
Hai! You totally kung-fu kicked my ass at Internet Culture!
(lips not moving at all)
Incidentally, that's not an energy drink endorsed by Steven Seagal. They literally squeeze his hair, collect the oil, and dilute it, bottle it, and sell it. Thus the odd taste. TASTE THE POWER!

[charasan.livejournal.com]

Oh ya, and GET A FRACKIN' HAIRCUT, HIPPY! :P