(no subject)
Jun. 8th, 2001 07:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
grindmonkehsigh.fuckit.havetosleepsometime.
ironically...'i lost my...self again' (which I just noticed in Bria's lj) is a reference to slipping back to drug dependency...i made that exact statement in my lj the last time i used a drug that i'm not exactly proud of, and will never use again. think less of me? i do. i have no excuse for my action, but my judgment was obscured by excessive alcohol and marijuana. i have become aware of the fact that my very close friend billy has slipped back into the lifestyle...beyond the good time rare occasion usage that we would partake in on such RARE occasion. billy had the same problem about six years ago to the point where he had to seek rehabilitation for two months. i'm very fucking disheartened. he has lied to people and told them that he has been with me, when he has been spending time with junkheads. he has told people that he was with me because they know what he is getting involved in again and that i would look after him and kick his ass if the need be. without being hypocritical of my past partakings, i have the responsibility of taking care of my friend...i owe that to him. we've been through some pretty rough times together.
my sense of relationships is broken it seems, no matter what may appear logical. my impulsive behavior emerges through stress fractures. i'm so fucking cyclic and predictable that the inanity is apparent.
everything appears so inane to me. sleep.
ironically...'i lost my...self again' (which I just noticed in Bria's lj) is a reference to slipping back to drug dependency...i made that exact statement in my lj the last time i used a drug that i'm not exactly proud of, and will never use again. think less of me? i do. i have no excuse for my action, but my judgment was obscured by excessive alcohol and marijuana. i have become aware of the fact that my very close friend billy has slipped back into the lifestyle...beyond the good time rare occasion usage that we would partake in on such RARE occasion. billy had the same problem about six years ago to the point where he had to seek rehabilitation for two months. i'm very fucking disheartened. he has lied to people and told them that he has been with me, when he has been spending time with junkheads. he has told people that he was with me because they know what he is getting involved in again and that i would look after him and kick his ass if the need be. without being hypocritical of my past partakings, i have the responsibility of taking care of my friend...i owe that to him. we've been through some pretty rough times together.
my sense of relationships is broken it seems, no matter what may appear logical. my impulsive behavior emerges through stress fractures. i'm so fucking cyclic and predictable that the inanity is apparent.
everything appears so inane to me. sleep.
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(no subject)
~**~hugggs~**~
(no subject)
Date: 2001-06-08 07:43 pm (UTC)Neither is fun. I do not envy you.
(no subject)
(no subject)
Date: 2001-06-09 05:25 am (UTC)I was just pointing out the irony...in that I used that statement (which is from a Type O Negative song) in my livejournal the last time I fucked up instead of coming outright. I've never had a problem, though my friend is in much deeper.
(no subject)
Date: 2001-06-09 04:34 am (UTC)It's only when you become aware of situations, that you have a chance to stop it.
You've become aware and that's the first step.
The road less travelled on is always the hardest.
Take heart and take care.